Doug and Alexa Do a Test
by NullNoMore
Summary: Doug, the Long Suffering, helps Alexa, the Mischievous, first with a skell-related test program, then with Orphe gear, then with needed R&R. Minor swears, skell and armor geekery, world building, innuendo (rating depends on your head). All the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft.
1. Testing 1, 2, 3

**a/n: Doug, the Long Suffering, helps Alexa, the Mischievous, with yet another skell-related test program. It turns out just perfect, nothing to worry about, no fluff, nope, none. Move along, kids.**

 **Mild swears and skell geekery and something else (rating depends on what's going on in your own head).**

 **All the good stuff belongs to Monolith Soft and 8-4.**

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"Alexa! Hey!" Tika went chasing after her co-worker, catching Alexa just at the huge entrance to the Outfitter's Hangar. She waved a comm device at her. "I need to check with you about some of your results on the new skell pilot restraints you were testing."

"Sure. The seat belts. Arm belts, leg belts, whatever. I got 'em all done, and on time, just like promised." The redhead bounced slightly on her toes, and grinned cheerfully. It really was an interesting if flawed idea, using the same energy that skells used to bind enemies as a way of keeping pilots snug in their seats.

"Yeah, great. But the last batch of tests, there's something weird about them." Tika's expression was serious as she pushed her blond hair back from her face.

"Which ones?"

"The ones with Doug."

Alexa's grin faded. "Sure, I know he's not one of the official crew, but we don't have anyone regular who's that large, er, big, er, tall. That's what I meant. Tall."

"I know what you meant. And I have no problem with you getting other divisions to help out, especially if it doesn't go on the mission board. I'm assuming he did it as a favor for you."

Alexa still hadn't relaxed. "Yes…"

"So no added expense for the project. That's fine. I just hope you got him something nice as a reward."

"Sure, I think he was okay." Alexa didn't sound sure of herself.

"Anyway, that's not my point. Did you look at his biosynthetic readings? I'm a little concerned about them. Anything special I should know about the test run?"

"Nope, no, nothing special."

"Because it looks like he was having a panic attack in the middle of the tests. I mean, look at his responses right here." Tika focused on her device, pulling up some data. They indeed told an alarming tale. The senior designer pointed to a graph and explained. "Look at the circulatory rates. They start low at the beginning, a nice resting status. But they get agitated at the 10 minute mark, and it gets worse, Alexa. Towards the end, there is this frantic period." Again, Tika pointed to a jagged section. "I mean, Doug's mimetic system is working as hard as it would if he were fighting tyrants, or harder."

"Ah. That. I didn't think about that being captured on the readings."

"So, what happened? More to the point, do I need to alert BLADE HQ?"

"What? Why?" Alexa's eyes were round with alarm.

Tika sighed and explained carefully. "Because if there's something wrong with his mim, if he's revving this hot during essentially a resting condition, he's may need some serious repairs…"

"No! No! He's absolutely fine! It was nothing like that…" Alexa took a deep breath, and smiled brightly. "You know there was that major problem with the restraints locking down. I hadn't planned it, I swear. That power fluctuation was accidental, but it triggered them somehow, and I couldn't get them off him."

"Yes, that's all very clear in your report. You can be sure we'll get that fixed before we even do any further tests. Can't have a pilot trapped in their seat, of course."

"Well, Doug was trapped for a good 20 minutes while I was trying to pop him loose."

"And he got anxious," interrupted Tika. "That's what I'm worried about, this response. It's not good."

"He wasn't anxious. It was kind of funny, actually."

"How do you know? You were busy, working to free him, or so you're telling me. I mean, we have enough worries, getting permission to use human test subjects. We can't risk having them suffer without proper attention."

"I was right there, the whole time."

"You were busy. What if you missed something because you were distracted? I don't know, maybe we need to start requiring teams for this type of project. I could be part of it next time."

Alexa gave a little squeak, followed by a deep breath. She stood up straight, and addressed Tika in a surprisingly professional manner. "Look, Tika, I was there, hands on, literally, hands right on him. If you read the report, you know I had to take out the fuses right behind the headrest. And those are located behind the neck, not at the back of the seat, but right behind. I could have whispered in his ear, practically. So I know he was okay when it happened. I was paying attention, okay?"

"But these respiration readings! How could you not notice what was going on? He must have practically been panting."

"Yeah, well, that…" Alexa hesitated. "I didn't want to include it in the report, because it was really off target. Once I figured out how to free him, before I did it, I kind of gave him a dare."

"What are you talking about?"

Alexa paused, mustering courage to say the next sentence. "I dared him to try and break free." She grimaced a little. "Yeah, so that's what he was trying to do. Didn't work, didn't even make a difference, so I left it out of the report."

"Alexa!" Tika was looking at her with horrified disappointment. "That is so inappropriate. The test was never about trying to measure the strength of the bonds, just their comfort level and base power consumption. It wasn't set up for any challenges. What if he had broken the monitoring chair?"

"Well, he gave up before anything got dinged. I even checked his wrists, no bruises or anything, you'll be glad to hear."

"Alexa! Oh my god, he could have hurt himself. So inappropriate. We are not even close to those kind of trials."

"Well, you're even farther than you think, because that locking glitch might kill the whole idea."

"We're on it. But I want you to promise. No more trying things without permission."

"I didn't think I'd need permission for that. It was just a dumb dare."

"With a human test subject. Alexa, that kind of thing requires a whole different world of paperwork and regulations. Anything that involves risk has got to go through the mission board."

"It didn't used to be so fussy."

"Well, it's changed. I'd think that the whole SR-005 incident would stick in your memory."

Alexa cringed, and her eyes flickered like flames. She remembered that all right. Being pulled from the project that eventually became the Ares 70, that had stung. Stung, ha. It had gutted her, and she wasn't convinced that the skell itself hadn't suffered too. Poor Speedy.

Tika noticed her distress. "Look, Alexa, they were planning to pull you off anyway. They needed to start making some hard choices, dropping features that they knew you'd fight for, in order to make the thing producible."

"It might have been better if they'd kept me," muttered Alexa. (And it would have, too, thought Alexa, because there is way too much reliance on ether based attacks on the general release. Not a problem until you meet something with 100% ether resist. There were more of those wandering around Mira than you might notice. This suddenly becomes obvious when you go up against an enemy the size of BLADE tower and start doing damage in the high tens, oooh.)

Tika smiled kindly at Alexa. "The skell would have been perfect, and Sakuraba would never have been able to build it in mass quantities, or keep it functioning over a range of pilots."

"I suppose."

Tika sighed. "I don't think I ever told you, but we really do value your input. The skell development team knows how much we've advanced because of your insight and imagination." Tika gave another, tighter smile, then returned to her serious expression. "But you need to learn to control yourself. You can't always be doing whatever comes into your head. Especially when it involves other test subjects."

"I wasn't really thinking about him as a test subject."

"Sure, I understand. He's your friend, and you were goofing around. So I'll just file these measurements as extraneous, and we'll focus on getting the restraints to disengage properly. But I really do think we may have to have more than one Outfitter running future tests, just in case."

"Sure. Are we done now?"

"I'm sorry, Alexa. I wasn't trying to get you into trouble. I'm just concerned."

"And doing your job. I get it. But he's fine, I'm fine, and I'll try to keep it under control."

"Great. See you tomorrow."

Alexa sprinted off towards the Residential Section, but as soon as she was out of sight from Tika, she dodged behind a shipping crate and whipped out her comm device.

"Doug! Doug! Oh my god, we almost got in big trouble."

"What now?" He wasn't rising to match her agitation.

"Tika noticed something off with your test."

Silence. "You scrubbed that video."

"Yes, dopey, right away. Burned it. But I forgot about the biosynthetic readings."

"So?"

"Pulse rate. Respiration. Hydraulics pressure."

"Oh. Crap."

"Apparently, they tell quite a tale."

"Huh." There was a slight smile on his face.

"It gets worse. She was going to report you to HQ, because she thought your mim was broken."

"I'm just fine, Alexa."

"I told her that, but she thought you might have been having a panic attack."

"Oh crap, Alexa!" His voice was finally as serious and worried as hers. "That kind of thing can get a guy pulled off missions."

"I know! But I think it's okay now. I told her something stupid and she bought it."

"What? That I had an allergic reaction to your Ma-non perfume and started sneezing?"

"Oooh, that would have been good. No, I gave her a song and dance about me daring you to try to break free."

There was another pause. "I can see that. Me going, 'Hulk smash,' and stuff."

"Yeah, she bought it, like I said. Read me the riot act about going off script on the tests."

"I should hope it wasn't in the test plan."

"No. God, but she had me worried."

"But nothing to worry about, now?"

"Nope, at least I hope not. Still, I wanted you to know."

"Thanks. So…" Doug gave a sleepy smile. "Are you going to need any more help?"

"Not for a while. And I'll probably have to invite Tika to watch."

"Really?" Doug's smile shifted from sleepy to hopeful.

"Shut up."

"Why not? Tika's a nice girl."

"Shut up. I'm hanging up."

"I'll be done in an hour. Order a pizza."

"Bye, Dougie."

"Bye, Alexa."

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 **A/N: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I think I have achieved my goal. And I am never looking at the Outfitter's Hangar or the mission board the same way.**

 **Put this one up 8 days early because I am so pumped about the Nintendo Switch reveal (oooooooo Skyrim drooool! ooooo). Squeee. Squee.**

 **Next up: Doug keeps helping Alexa, because he's a nice guy. (And because I'm this close to shipping them, oh wait, I just did. Maybe.) Non fluff, but sweet.**


	2. Clean Up

**a/n: Alexa is feeling gross after testing too much Orphe armor. Doug has the cure: pizza, skell video, and something he'll brew up special for her.**

 **AHHHHHHHHHH! No swears, and only as crack as you want it to be.**

 **All the good things belong to Monolith Soft, so don't blame them for whatever does or does not happen here.**

* * *

Another night, another chance to romance Doug's couch, with the aid of pizza and a skellploitation video. Alexa was more than ready for it, after the grueling week she'd had. Armor testing was her least favorite part of her job as an Outfitter. Whenever it was listed on her mission ticket, she'd power through whatever tests were required, pulling double or triple shifts in order to be done sooner. The work wasn't hard, but it was always boring, frequently disappointing, and usually uncomfortable. This week it had been all three.

"I got the Orphe special," commented Doug, dropping a greasy box onto his coffee table. "To celebrate your being done with all their gear."

"The Ovah Easy?"

"It's called something else now. Army Pizza got flak for making fun of their religious beliefs."

"I guess."

"Enjoy the new and improved Killjoy, all vegan. I think it's mostly carrots."

"You have got to be kidding me. No, Doug, just, no."

The tall Harrier laughed as he settled next to her. "Don't worry, I got the regular, Noctilum with extra mushrooms." He lifted the lid and pulled out a slice. "Fire up your video, 'Lexa."

Each crew member on the White Whale had been allowed a certain amount of data. Alexa had filled a lot with photos of her family, like everyone else, but she'd saved a precious slice of storage for a few of her favorite videos. Tonight's was a special indulgence: all five of the Pacific Rim movies, but only the parts with mech suits. No backstory, no politics, no burgeoning love interests (unless you counted the Jaegers, and that was open to debate around Alexa). She was ignoring her pizza before they'd hit the 10 minute mark.

"Would you stop it?" Doug's voice snapped her out of a mech-induced trance. He pushed her hand away from her face. She'd been idly scratching her eyebrow. "You've been doing it all night." He looked closely at her and smiled. "Now you have pizza sauce rubbed into your forehead." He reached over and wiped at her skin with a thumb. "Huh, it's sticky."

Alexa flopped back on the sofa and closed her eyes. The gentle sound of screeching CGI robot armor was soothing. "It's left over from the job. They had to tag me up to get readings."

"Oh, lord, I remember. I've done enough tests for you. Thanks for the credits."

"You're welcome. It gets worse. This was full body gear, and somebody better explain to the Orphe that some of us are not fans of wearing latex 24/7. I don't care how flexible and light it is, at a certain point I was just dying for air."

"Some of their stuff is pretty breezy," chuckled Doug.

Alexa didn't bother to open her eyes to glare at him. "You're thinking Meredith. This is a version of that body paint the Orphe call armor. They're trying to stack some melee boosts onto, but aside from the indignity of being squeezed into fetish garb, I think they're barking up the wrong tree. Buzzing up the wrong tree. Whatever. They should stick with their evade and conquer strategy."

"Poor Alexa. Three days. How did you ever survive?" joked Doug.

"You can laugh all you want, but they had to tag me with sensors from head to toe. I tried to wash it off, but the adhesive sticks around."

Doug indeed laughed and got up off the sofa.

"Go ahead and laugh!" She opened her eyes a crack to see him starting to brew a mug of his beloved coffee. "This was the whole shebang, helmet and everything, and the tight fit grinds it in," she emphasized. "Today it was 48 tags. Not that I was counting. Yesterday was 29, but on Tuesday it was 55 tags. Fifty-five, Barrett! I felt like I had fleas when I went to bed." She closed her eyes again and listened to something huge and armed with a giant chainsaw sword rip apart a lizard the size of BLADE tower. So very soothing. In a minute she'd drift off to sleep, except she knew a good bit was coming. Actually, the video was nothing but good bits. She could spare a few minutes for a nap.

Doug sat back down, puffing on his coffee to cool it, and Alexa realized something was wrong. Eyes still closed, she sniffed again. His coffee smelled peppery and faintly metallic, with an hint of pine. "Since when did you switch to the Colonel's fancy herbal tea?"

"Never. Like I said, I have experience with that adhesive. Turns out, there's something about this tea that cuts right through the gunk. Hold still." He moved close to her. She felt a warm cloth dabbing at her eyebrow. "Too hot?"

"Mmmm, that's okay." She reached up blindly and examined her skin with a fingertip. "Good job. Not sticky at all."

"Not done yet, 'Lexa. It needs one more thing." The cushions shifted as Doug leaned even closer. If it hadn't been for the whisper of his breath ruffling the edge of her hair and the hint of moisture from his lips, she would have thought he'd only stroked the spot with his finger. "You need something to forget that the tag ever existed. How'd that work for you?"

She considered it for a moment. "Not bad." She peeked up at him. "One down, 131 to go, Doug."

He paused for a second, then smiled. "I can brew more tea."

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Tika greeted a smiling Alexa the next morning with relief. She appreciated all that her co-worker did for the Outfitters, but she knew that the last round of tests had been a strain. "Good morning, Alexa. You're looking chipper."

"Yup. I'm up for anything, even Orphe armor. Please, let it not be Orphe armor."

Tika smiled. "Sorry for that job, Alexa, but it was a rush order and I knew you'd get it done properly. I'll try to keep you off that rotation in the future."

"No problem. Anything for NLA." Alexa stretched and shook her short auburn hair.

The two women continued with small talk as they went into the Outfitter's Hangar. "Mmm, somebody smells nice today," commented Tika. "Are you trying a new shampoo?"

"Uh, no." Alexa shrugged nonchalantly. "Actually, I found something to take off the sensor adhesive."

"Really? Nothing to strong? I worry about solvents hurting my skin."

"Uh, nope, very gentle. Maybe a little tingly."

"That's amazing, Alexa. You'll have to give me the brand. Is it a bar or lotion?"

"Uh, you could call it a body wash, I think? Anyhoo, let's go see what's up on the old mission board."

* * *

 **a/n: I'm supposed to be writing Apriltober 2018, a short story a day, all of it K+. My brain decided to do this. How could I say no?**

 **May I repeat, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**


	3. Upgrades Were Made

**a/n: Alexa is upset by actions taken by the Mimeosome Maintenance Center, which resulted in certain downgrades.**

 **Post game, maybe a year or so. A few swears, lots of "..." as I avoid descriptions, and too many hints about other stories I have/have not written.**

 **All the good things belong to Monolith Soft; Lila, her station, Peleas, and most of this nonsense is not their fault.**

* * *

The moment she saw her visitor, Alexa jumped down from the shoulder of the Verus skell upon which she had been lavishing untold care. She didn't see much of her former employee out and about, even if she was working only a few blocks away now. "Hi, Lila. What brings you out of your lair? Making sure you get the right Outfitter for a job? A skell-related job, hint hint hint?"

"Yes, I'm looking for you, Alexa, but this is more a personal request. A Ma-non I know wanted me to talk to you." The older woman looked serious, but that was nothing new. Lila tended to be all business when laying out a problem.

"So the squeakies have hit a wall with their development. I'm not supposed to give free advice to the industrialists, but screw that. Let's talk the nitty and the gritty!" Alexa grinned happily. Maybe this meant she could get her hands on the prototype mech that the little aliens had been fine-tuning at Lila's refueling station.

"Sorry to get your hopes up. This isn't about skells. Peleas said you were upset with him this morning at the Mim Maintenance Center and he wanted…"

Alexa's smile vanished. "I'm not talking about that. I'm sending in an official complaint as soon as … as soon as I can talk about it."

Lila didn't take the hint. "He wanted to find out why you were upset. He's confused and worried, and he's a good guy. If he didn't understand something, he needs to know."

"He needs to get his hands off of our bodies," Alexa snapped.

"He's a good guy," repeated Lila. "We need him. He was crucial to fixing that flu epidemic a while back."

Alexa hunched her shoulders. "I don't remember much of that."

"A lot of people don't, and he was the one that developed the solution that got you guys back on-line. I missed you, by the way."

"Flu is a dumb thing to call it." Alexa picked up her scattered tools sulkily.

"The ECP just wanted to avoid mass panic when people stopped responding properly."

Lila's calm pissed Alexa off. "So he did one good thing. He's a little punk ass monster and he better keep his grubby fingers off of us from now on." Alexa snapped her mouth shut. It wasn't like her to get so angry at people who messed up. Not even when it was personal.

The other woman must have sensed how unusual this was. They'd worked together for almost a year, maintaining skells back on Earth, back when Alexa was helping cover up Lila's agoraphobia problem. They'd been a good team, able to read each other without explanation. But today Lila wasn't willing to drop the topic. After a moment, she continued. "He's done more than one good thing. Especially for the team at my station. He's worked on Gino's legs. He helped Case calm down. We need his help."

"Not me. Not his help."

"He fixed the Commander when he got shot." There was another pause. Lila added quietly, "The fix that worked. The MMR team was not managing."

Alexa slumped against the skell. The curves of the machine gave her great comfort. She didn't like the feeling that she was going to be asked to ignore something so wrong for the greater good.

"Alexa, what did he do?" When Alexa didn't reply, Lila stated formally, "If he needs a minder, a handler, a prison guard 24/7, let's make that happen. But until we have more options, I don't want him pushed out of the center again."

"Again?"

"He's had problems being ignored there. What. Did. He. Do?"

Alexa started to jiggle her foot as anger was replaced by embarrassment. "I can't tell you here."

"Can't tell me as in we need to find a quiet corner? Or as in we need to find some beer?" Lila flashed a quick smile, then was serious. "Or do we need to go to Commander Vandham right now? If it's really that bad..."

Alexa looked miserable. "It's not that bad. I guess. I think. Oh, Lila, I can't talk about it."

"You know I can keep my mouth shut."

"You'll be on his side."

Lila looked at her with some disappointment. "Alexa. You saved my life. I'm on your side. Let me buy you a beer and we can talk."

"It's gonna take more than a beer."

"Repenta Diner has mescal, or so I've heard."

"NO! Not there! I don't want anyone to hear…" Alexa stopped and blushed hard.

"Swing by my place after work. Trust me to have beer. I live right next to a quickie mart. I'll have a cooler full of product ready." When Alexa nodded, Lila turned to walk away, then came quickly back. She looked up at Alexa with serious brown eyes, even going so far as to lay a steadying hand on her elbow. "Unless we need to go tell someone right now. I'll go with you, tell whoever, whatever. I'm on your team. Peleas seems like a good guy but … I've been wrong before."

Alexa snorted and patted Lila's hand. "Nah, it's not as bad as all that. I dunno. I want to make a fuss but Doug doesn't want me to say anything and … uh…" Alexa stuttered to a halt.

"Oh. Some Harriers mentioned that he was pretty banged up last week. So that's why …." Lila shrugged. "You definitely need to come have a beer with me, Alexa. Even if you decide not to talk about it, I can at least promise some gossip."

"You got something good?" Alexa asked half-heartedly.

"Maybe." Lila's smile was bright. "Have you noticed that H.B. has been walking funny? I may know something about that. See you at 2000?"

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"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" screeched Alexa, her eyes full of tears of laughter.

"I am dead serious, Alexa," Lila said with the biggest grin possible. Her hostess was sitting on the floor, legs outstretched, tossing her can of beer lightly from hand to hand. That meant it was empty. When she managed to stop laughing, Alexa drained her own beer and gingerly set the can on the bedside table with all its little friends. Lila had a private sliver of a room hugging the back of the quickie mart, enough for a bed and a little floor space. As a good hostess, she'd let Alexa sit on the bed while she'd hunkered down closer to the cooler case. The "once had been full, now was maybe getting closer to empty" cooler case. She looked significantly at Lila.

"If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would call it slander, but I swear, I SWEAR ON MY OWN LIFE, Alexa, he'd put augments in the pilot seat." Lila opened the cooler case, and Alexa's fears were relieved. There was plenty more to be had. Living next to a gas station market had its advantages. Bait, beer, and let us not forget the salty snacks. Alexa flicked some crumbs from her jersey (Primordia Paprika Chips and Oblivia Onion Ringos). Lila pulled two more cans out, flicked some ice off the tops, and handed one to Alexa. They popped the tabs in unison, toasted, and sipped.

"So," said Lila.

"So," replied Alexa.

"So. Doug came home badly injured last Friday. Very badly injured."

"His team triggered Feliciano and it ripped his skell in half. With Doug inside." It was a moment before Alexa could relax enough to take another swallow of beer.

"I'm not going to tease you about which was more important," Lila said.

"The skell, of course," Alexa said quickly. "I tuned that thing to perfection. Do you know how long it took to get that many XX augments?"

"So. Skell and man down. The team popped him into the new stasis bag and ran home. I asked around. They got home and he got fixed. It worked, Alexa."

"He was … Janine said he was sliced in … but maybe … I was out on a test so I don't know …" She fluttered one hand uncertainly. She took a deep breath. "I came back that night to a skell in need of heavy repairs and Doug being just fine."

"Where's the problem? And I'm not doubting there is one, just not seeing it yet."

"No problem. Until a couple days later. We were …" Alexa became fascinated by her beer can.

Lila snickered. "Oh dear. Let me guess. You were upgrading his armor."

"No."

"Maybe you were helping him with his beam sabre." The snickers had turned to laughter.

"Lila," Alexa warned her, starting to snicker herself.

Lila, however, had lost all control. "Wait, wait!" she wailed. "I know! I know! You were (gasp) testing (choke) essence (wheeze) exchange!"

It was a few moments before either could speak.

Alexa relaxed and smiled over at Lila. "Well, we sure weren't watching Pacific Rim V. Anyhoo, things were going nicely …"

"I'll bet," Lila chirped.

"Do not make me come and sabotage your client's skells. Look, we were messing around, maybe…"

"...maybe…"

Alexa ignored her. "We were … well, the details aren't important … but Doug sort of froze." She shook her head and glanced at Lila. "His breathing went from … er … well, he stopped breathing heavy and he went all calm. Like he was a million miles away."

"He disconnected?" asked Lila.

"Not exactly. I said his name, and he answered in this off-hand way, and suddenly we were having this weird impersonal conversation. It was creepy. If I hadn't been scared, I'd have been super ticked at him. After a moment, he came right back, but that was it for the evening. Talk about a mood killer."

"You think that the Mim Center had something to do with it?"

"I hauled him in after a couple days..."

"Persistent, aren't we?"

"Do you want to hear this or not?"

Lila folded her hands in her lap. "I'll be good."

Alexa sighed. "I hauled him in, and that chucklehead friend of your, Pleasey..."

"Peleas," Lila murmured.

"Emphasis on 'ass.' He didn't see a thing that was wrong. Kept squeaking about the new upgrades he was testing out. No one announced any freaking upgrades. Doug sure as hell never signed a waiver when he came in, at least, I don't think he did ... he wasn't in any shape to." Alexa stopped and bit her lip.

"And Peleas fixed him up, good but not good enough. Which upgrades are these?"

"I just told you, I have no idea. But when I demanded that they put Doug back to normal, Peleas said it was impossible, impractical, and detrimental. Also rude and selfish. He's calling us selfish for wanting to have some say in our own freaking selves."

"You said Doug didn't want to make a fuss."

"He would, wouldn't he? Something something taking one for the team something combat advantages. He'd been reading up on it without telling me, the fink."

"How would that help combat abilities? I'm kind of afraid to ask."

"Ya think, right?! In my opinion, it would reduce readiness. A BLADE needs all the R&R they can get on this crazy planet. Thirty things try to kill you before you reach the first checkpoint. When a girl gets home, is it too much to expect … uh …"

"Something besides skell action movies," suggested Lila.

"I'm not knocking skell action movies, mind you," Alexa protested. "All things skell, for that matter. That's my bread and butter, my main on main, the love of my life. Giant robots and me, OTP. I had a point here."

"Point is: whatever these upgrades were, they have side-effects that will not stand."

"Exactly. Now to write a protest letter that manages to leave out all the details." Alexa sighed unhappily.

"Let me try something." Lila pulled out her comm device and started tapping away. Alexa jiggled and squirmed until she was 100% comfortable, then started to devise a method of dispensing snacks in a skell without risking too many crumbs. She contemplatively ate several handfuls of Oblivia O's, testing different angles of presentation.

She was pulled from her salt-encrusted trance by Lila's disgruntled snort. "Oh for the love of Mike." She met Alexa's attentive stare. "The explanation is simple and stupid. Peleas has been working on his own to modify our sensory systems, finding a way to, ahem, 'filter out detrimental stimuli while facilitating situational awareness.'"

"Little dude's fluent in military gibberish."

"Mostly, he's trying keep us from going deaf from explosions, blind from explosions, numb from …"

"I get the drift. What does that have to do with Dougie's case?"

"The range of stimuli was too broad. Short version, when an upgraded mim gets too …."

"Thank you, Lila, but I think I can fill in the blanks." Alexa felt sadder than ever, beer and onion crunchies notwithstanding. "So Dougie's stuck with it."

"Respected Harrier Barret is nothing of the sort." Lila was tapping furiously, muttering under her breath. "R&R … relief from fatigue … readiness … inviolability of self … consent waiver of test subjects …" When she stopped, she and Alexa both stared expectantly at the comm device.

Nothing happened.

Lila frowned and grimly typed a few more words. The response was immediate. A profuse stream of words rolled across the device. Lila skimmed the wall of text before shutting her device down with a pleased snort. Then she retrieved two fresh cans of beer. "This calls for a real toast, Alexa."

"You fixed it?"

"Peleas will fix it. Doug has an appointment tomorrow at 0700, and the other subjects will be cleared by the evening. He only applied the upgrades to the most badly injured, so there are only a handful. Combat teams hve been lucky this past week. Very lucky. We don't always have it so good." Lila sighed.

"Never mind that. We fixed it. Cheers! To getting… er … being lucky, I mean."

"I got what you meant, Alexa." The two women toasted and smiled at each other.

"Hey, Lila, what was that last thing you typed? That was what persuaded him, wasn't it?"

"Oh no, never. He did it out of his own wisdom."

"What did you type, Lila?"

"I mentioned the Mim Center might revoke his professional access to injured BLADEs if he didn't fix it toot-sweet."

* * *

 **a/n: Much inspiration and help from Squad Dad Draco and Omega of the XCX Tumblr talent pool (such a deep deep pool), also 99% Invisible podcast on combat hearing loss.**

 **Yes, Lila has a new station in the Industrial Section. Yes, Vandham got shot but he's much better now. Yes, mims don't get flu and that problem was something entirely different. Yes, I'm writing on all that mess.**


End file.
